i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
