I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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