I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
