you have to choose: penises or morals?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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