The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
