brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
