I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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