Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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