Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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