I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
