i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
