There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
