I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
