Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
