Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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