Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
