You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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