Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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