Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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