I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize