their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
