Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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