I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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