I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
