he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can't special order awesome
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
