Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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