Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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