if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
BRING THE BAGELS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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