either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
