she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's shark week go big or go home
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
