Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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