i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
