pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
