no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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