well I can't set my house on fire every night
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
