I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
