she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
