We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
