Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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