How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
