Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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