U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize