If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
