Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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