does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
