My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
