Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I came so hard my ears popped.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
