We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
