dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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