Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ketchup is God's man juice
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
