Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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