the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
