I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
