i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
