she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
