You're my little dorito
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
