Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
