i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
