you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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