Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
