there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
