I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
