is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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