What did we do last night that was yellow?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
