is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
