4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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