it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize