im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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