THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
