its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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