dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
