____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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