i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
