I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
