I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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