Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize