I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He uses pillows to masturbate.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
