I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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