Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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