i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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