my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
