haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
