Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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