Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize