...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
