I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
