Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize