I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
