So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
