Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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