he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
