Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
