what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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