Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
