I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
did i just pee glitter
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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