Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
