She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
