Apparently you make a good broom.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
