i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
