I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
