Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
