So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The air taste purple.
Randomize
