shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
