Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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